rediscovering eden
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
whom shall i fear
whom shall i fear
i am yours
dailies
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
-1:12 AM
its 2010 now...
time flies and finally a decade had just over..can u believe it? wat have u done ?
have u achieve something in the past 10 years? or u just walk past this 10 years?
here are some miserable feelings tat i have now in the beginning of year 2010..
i just hope and pray that God will open up ways and show me clearly where should i go.
confuseddd!!! i am very very the confusedddd....i just feel like letting all go and dun mind of anything that happen to the extend i even have the feeling tat ...i dun feel like geeting married ...n wats so good about it ? and at the same time...i myself cant imagine pauline tan would actually have this thought. i dun wan to know its whose fault. I've tried and am still trying or should i say We both are trying very hard.
At this current situation and people tat is around us,i really feel like giving up all and whatever dreams and wishes tat i used to have. Come to think of it, its all my wants. But since i am still not ready and willing to accept something lower than wat i wan...i would rather let them go. Why do i need to be so stress about it, rite?
Just wait till when i really have the ability then only go n build my dreams again. People will tell me by tat time its too late di.
I believe everyone has their life to live. There are no certain formula to live tat guarantee ur success in life. A person like me, who always follow from A-Z on wat to do to get the answer started to realize u still wont get the answer eventho u follow from the 1st step to the last step. That's another confusing part of my life. I've grown up with these teachings but actually in reality its not functional...????
Then someone say is the timing tat went wrong. Then i asked wat timing? wat tming do u think is right? everybody tells me its right...even i myself at one moment felt tat its right. But wat can i do with it? and becoz of certain deciding factors....i got to feel tat its wrong??? quite confusing rite? i also think its really confusing!!!
so now...to me is watever ...everybody just go do, think, act, say watever that they like. i'm just gona live my life and find and continue to find until i found tat something tat is really for me.
God, i really really really super duper need your help and guidance in my life. I really wan to see God's hand in my life. Help to me take the step of FAITH, go the place u wan me to go, do the things u wan me to do, even how extraordinary is it. I will do it for u, O Lord! and please take away watever things or people tat does not belong to Your will, tat is hindering me to c and hear from u, Lord...In Jesus Name, I pray, AMEN !!!
Friday, July 31, 2009
-1:18 AM
i think a diary is my best fren ever...wil never ever forget u my dear.
me, pauline tan, is officially having a big burden in my heart. i dunno wat to do..where to head off next. Can someone tell me??? i've been thinking and thinking whether should i change job anot? i need another job which pays me higher. i need another job which suits my personality. A lot of people will tell me "go into sales la...tats where u can earn money. since u can talk so well, u sure can perform".... but when i think of it, YES..indeed ..y not? but where? which field? sell what? wat is my passion? i keep thinking what do i really like and wat are my passions? or should i just hantam anything and learn from there...aarrrghhh!!!! its just too hard to decide.
Its interesting to be a designer, glamorous name! but to be in the position with the pay, i dun think it can bring me anywhere. i like the job but the pay can't sustain me. i'm looking for something more. i have my target to achieve in 2 years time. i have so many things in my mind. Therefore, when one way doesn't brings u there. Am i not suppose to find another? am i too money minded?
Am i not suppose to work towards my goal? where can i get my next inspiration? all the while, i can say God really arrange and bless me with all the plans arranged for me. when i finish one, next will b ready for me to pick it up. now i felt that i'm really lost. RIGHT OR LEFT? TURN OR STAND STILL? wwaaattt am i suppose to do, God?
HOW ? WHEN ? WHERE ? i need answersssssss............
Am i goin to achieve my dreams in 2 years time? or will it be longer? i really scared that it will be delay coz i really dun c it comin. dunno y ....just dun have the confidence that it will happen. HELP ME, GOD !!!
the above matters had already been in my mind for quite a few months already and it had really bothers me and i cant really sleep well becoz of it. how? i really wan to sleep...i really need a break to think !!!!! THINK !!!!
Friday, May 8, 2009
-1:38 AM
Thursday, November 27, 2008
-12:35 AM
long time no c everybody ............ i think i need to find some one to talk to adi. Spending time in writing blog can help me release my stress n emotions since i can't find a pair of listening ears.
from now on, i will promise myself not to cry over matters like this. Its just another small matter in life that we got to go tru. There's many more people outside goin tru the same problem like me. Life still goes on no matter wat...y need to be so passive and be influenced by it so much..we just need to keep my emotion strong and focus on something else to pass tru difficult times...we need to grow..we cannot be feeling bad over matters like this again n again..if i have, i have....if dun have also it might be good...now i know y ppl like to be alone.i'm starting to become one too...learning how to become more individualistic and quiet...n eat less....i dun like myself to be name as dino becoz i eat alot ...so from now, i shall just eat a little. ...... stomach began to ache again..need to get some rest now...cya soon!!!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
-10:49 AM
120808 : office : 1050am
status: hungry bcz we're on 40 days fast & pray. really hope that the clock will tick faster.
why is this gal blogging in the office while she complains that she is super bz....
reason it is bcoz of i'm currently not in my place and i dun have a pc to do my work. so instead i take it as a chance to drop some notes here.
Life had been really bz due to my new office renovation is SS19, just right opposite of toyota showroom. i target that we'll be in latest by 22th august, which is one day b4 my birthday. i foresee that it will be a super tiring week for me and it actually causes my excitement to fade off. how sad isn't it? i have been goin down to site everyday for the past 2 weeks to settle some technical challenge and to rectify it. thank God i have good working mates from isg to solve those problems which is very new to me and i've learned a lot from them. i really salute them...
Everything is movin on fine, joineries are almost done, ceiling and toilet works are done, glass panels are in too...wat is left are timber flooring, carpet, workstations and the last touch up which will spice up the space-lightings. i really hope it will be all done asap then i can really enjoy my birthday.
Besides the challenging n tiring reno works in office where i got to face mon-fri, i started teaching piano classes in a music centre near my house called Deciso, which means Determination. good name isn't it ? whether u r learning or teaching, determination is the key point to strive for the better. i had about 5-6 kids to teach, starting from 930am to about 2pm every saturday. wat i am struggling about is i got to sacrifice my morning sleep and my relaxing breakfast with my family. how sad.... :( its tiring to teach those hyper kids where all they know is banging the piano. well...here is another challenge i think. My day can only starts after 2pm...haih....half of a day gone!!!
Another early start of the day on every sunday is where i need to go for violin classes. i got to drive all the way to puchong and have a half an hour lesson and drive back here...it takes me in total 1hr & 30 mins. but my teacher said that i'm learning fast and she will continue to push me.....look, another pressure to bear. After learning violin for 2months, i can say that learning violin is harder than piano. Piano has black and white keys, up n down, right n left to determine the notes, and each key sounds the same everytime u played it. But wat is with violin is there are only 4 strings, G;D;A;E on a black fingerboard where you are suppose to press on the strings to get the sound of the note...the moment u r a bit off the strings or u r too front or too back, or u dun have the correct pressure on the strings......etc....THAT'S IT!!! squeakinnggg sharp NOISE are all u hear..not forgetting the bow. so the conclusion is::: LEARNING VIOLIN IS HARDER THAN PIANO. but i'm for it ...i need to learn n excel in it no matter what is takes. God, help me please!!!
After my bowing exercise, i got to rush back to church for service....then youth fellowship...
here goes my weekly schedule.... i felt tat i need a break soon....but dunno when :) still looking out for some getaway destination where i can just be me and chill....
have a great day everybody ...got to go c my boss now..
ciao !
Friday, August 8, 2008
-12:02 AM
i just felt like a stupid stupid little rubbish letting somebody fire just for tat 3 mins late for advertisement b4 watching the dark knight....
why like tat 1?? really felt sad n disappointed over that conversation.. y is there people like tat ? am i meeting the wrong person ? just make me wonder who did i just talk to ? isit 'him'? i really doubt it now.
can somebody tell me the answer??????? or write me an ending asap .......... it feels bad hanging on the rope like this... gravity pulls u know...so either push me up all the way or let me down ....
wat in the world is happening around me ??? where do i find joy??? who can make me laugh from the bottom of my heart ? i wan to be me!!!!!! who is willing to accept PAULINE TAN YEN YIN ????????
Thursday, July 31, 2008
-11:28 PM
Luna Bar Nite
At this one nite after a tiring work day ...kalvin plan to bring us to some place to just chill n chat
we went to LUNA bar since i've only heard of it but not been there
Here are some pictures... but unfortunately it doesn't turn out to be as nice as the place bcoz of my newly bought stupid camera. haih....saddening isn't it ?
i sort of like the place....but most people said tat the place is quite warm becoz its outdoor.
but thank God its chilly tat nite i went.
i 'd never seen kl tower tat close b4
you won't know how hard are all these clear pictures taken
look...this is one of the blured one
